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Rebecca

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[3-5-07 ♥ 5pm]
So I suppose, if you were wondering where I went, it would be here:

_____monchou.



In case you missed me.
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[12-20-06 ♥ 7pm]
So, fist of all...Merry Christmas!

And secondly, wow, it's been a while.

I still don't have a car, and there's still a hole in my ceiling from that little water mishap.

And there's not much more to say. Break is pretty long and pretty interesting. I've been thinking a lot. And not doing much else. Except for maybe texting. I've been doing that a ton.

How are all of YOU?!
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[11-19-06 ♥ 9pm]
So on friday my house flooded.

A few friends were over after this intense study session that afternoon - we were going to watch Accepted and John Tucker Must Die.

But then water started coming through the light fixtures.

And then through random spots in the ceiling.

And then down the window.

And so we ran upstairs and the toilet had flooded and gotten to the carpet, too.

We grabbed as many towels as we could, pots and pans, turned off the running water and ran around trying not to fall until we had as much as we could get under control.

I think the amusement came when I realized, this is my life. Things like this happen in my life, and not all too uncommonly.

For example, when I was about ten we went on vacation and somehow forgot to close the door. You would think, logically, that we wouldn't been robbed blind. But actually, cats from all over the neighborhood came into our house and went to the bathroom everywhere.

I sincerely hope that these things continue to happen and that I never take them too seriously. Ever. Because they're what keep me laughing at how wonderful life is.
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[11-12-06 ♥ 11pm]
Whenever something really shitty happens, my parents both worry about my sister.

That's okay because I don't want them prying into my feelings, yuck, but it'd be cool to know that they want to.
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[11-9-06 ♥ 12am]
So I haven't started driving again yet. My dad is basically treating the whole situation as if I've got my permit again. It sucks ass when you've got that freedom and then you screw it up. He definitely likes to tell me I should start walking places when he gets mad.

My mom is in town again. Oh good.

I don't know. I keep thinking that if I just take some time, collect myself, things will get better. But I never have the chance to get away from anything. I've got no where to go where someone will just understand that I'm really just freaking the hell out about everything. I haaaate it.

I can't stand myself, and I'm treating others like shit. This is an endless cycle.
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[10-28-06 ♥ 4pm]
After having my license for one week, I get into my first official car accident.

No one was hurt but the cars.

And my ability to have confidence in anything I do anymore.

It was my fault. I'm pretty much an idiot. The end.
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[10-24-06 ♥ 8pm]
My AP History teacher is amazing.

I walk into class yesterday and sometimes, he'll be listening to music. He was, and it sounded familiar.

"Mr. Plitt, what are you listening to?"
"The Decemberists...a student just gave me their new CD."
"!!!"

And I won't fail that test tomorrow! Just the DBQ on thursday!

Ahha!
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[10-21-06 ♥ 5pm]
I am now a licensed driver.

Not that it doesn't come with its share of setbacks.

After having my license for, oh, a few hours, I decided I was going to run to school to check out rehersal for an hour or so. No problem. Get there fine, park fine, hang out. Life is good.

Tahani and I decide to go and get some coffee, so we leave a little earlier than planned. She gives me a ride to my car because it's far and away, and then I get in to find that I can't turn the key in the ignition.

I have NO clue why. At all.

So I get a little frustrated, thinking I've ALREADY broken a car, and I call my dad fifty times before he actually answers. Once he does answer, we have a two minut conversation about how I just need to turn the wheel a little and then start the car. And I do that. And I feel like the biggest retard in forever.

I completely missed coffee, too.

Lame.
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[10-19-06 ♥ 4pm]
Ugh. Woke up this morning and felt like I was hit by a semi truck. Throat on fire, head pounding. No good at all. So I slept until about 3.

I hope I'm better by the end of the day...I've got a big weekend in front of me, starting with tomorrow. I've got to pass that driver's test...ahhh. Still all nerves about it.

AND I finally found "Sweet Caroline," hallelujah. I've been singing that song for weeks, having never heard it.
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[10-18-06 ♥ 3pm]
Today is my 16th birthday.

How exciting!
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[10-17-06 ♥ 6pm]
So I totally have my driver's test on friday.

Shitshitshit I'm all ready nervous.
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[10-15-06 ♥ 7pm]
Talking to my mother is constantly hours long and almost too much for me to handle. The woman speaks in riddles, and I know I should get them, but I don't. And then I feel ridiculous for not understanding them, and when I ask her to make it black and white, she just makes me feel even worse for not understanding.

This goes back to me not understanding a lot of things about myself. Because I really don't. I'm learning, and I'll continue learning, and that's how it is with everyone. I think my mom just assumes I understand what she's even talking about and how her life pertains to my own. But I don't, because even though she tells me the stories of all the awful things she's been through, I haven't been through them. So obviously and understandably, I don't understand.

The type of person I end up as at the end of our conversations is someone I definitely don't like at all.
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[10-14-06 ♥ 5pm]
Is it too much to ask for my best friend to back me up? Yeah, so she's friends with Jocelyn, and Jocelyn made my sister cry and I really can't stand that at all. And so I don't really want her to come along on our little homecoming extravaganza...maybe it's rude, or bitchy, or whatever. But Tahani didn't have to watch my sister break down in a way that I've never imagined.

I'm close to my family. They may drive me crazy, but I love them like hell. Expecially my sister.

And so I don't think I could honestly look at this Jocelyn girl without wanting to punch her. And I don't want to have that on a night that otherwise promises to be amazing.

Yeah. I'm a bitch. Perhaps it's ridiculous. So the hell what?

edit: oh, i sound like a heel. i don't mean to. i think it's because i'm always thinking that i suck lately that everyone around me has suddenly started to suck too. because nothing good at all is coming from anything.

i'm such a downer! i don't even know how i manage to get this way. i just want to do nothing but be mean sometimes. isn't that the most awful thing you've ever heard? who in their right minds just wants to be mean? appaently, me. but i doubt seriously that i currently have anything resembling a right mind.

i am in contol of nothing in my head at all ever. thoughts just appear and i'm helpless. i get to wave at them, oh hello, how are you, ruin my brain. that is the extent of my knowledge of anything i do and/or say anymore.

i wish i didn't have to think. that i could just turn off my thoughts and keep going on autopilot. do your homework, shower, brush your teeth, eat, sleep. just those things. and not have to worry about whether or not andrew wants to go to homecoming with me, or if i measure up to other people. because i hate that i do that. i really do. i usually don't, even! buti catch myself having these thoughts and i'm miserable because there just there and i'm too tired anymore to put in the effot to prevent them from being there.

being a person is really like being fifty people all at once and trying to make sense of it.

edit again: so i've known this for a while now, but i do get to be an exchange student. i don't know where i'm going, but i can't wait to go. seriously. i think that it would e good for my head. too bad i don't leave until next august.

and once more... my birthday's in four days!
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[10-11-06 ♥ 6pm]
So I definitely miss disney movies.

And the summer.

And a working enter button.

Woe.
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[9-30-06 ♥ 10pm]
So, I didn't get the part, which I was pretty bummed about. But it's all right...Tahani got female lead, so life is good.

I did however cut and dye my hair. So instead of red is now "black brown" and short like the Ban ad girl. I love it plenty.

Annnnd I'm still waiting to find out about exchange student acceptance/denial. I REALLY hope that I get it. LIKE REALLY A LOT.

edit: When You Were Young is addicting.

I looove the killers. WOW.
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[9-28-06 ♥ 8pm]
Today was callbacks for the fall play at my school (You Can't Take it With You) AND my interview for the exchange program. I reallllly realllllly hope I make both.

But the odds are against me in the exchange program. 4 out of 10. I hope I wasn't too un-patriotic or anything.

SIGH

Tonight will be full of wonder!
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sweet caroline, ba ba baaa, good times never seemed so good [9-24-06 ♥ 9pm]
The vietnam scenes in Forrest Gump are pretty sad.
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[9-24-06 ♥ 1pm]
Snow Patrol and Augustana concert last night...absolutely amazing. I've seen both before, but my first Snow Patrol concert was from a balcony and I could hardly see them, whereas this time I was up at the front. I could jump on them.

Augustana I saw in July for the first time and I liked them, and then last night I decided the lead singer and I are in love and getting married. Obviously. I was closer to them this time, too.

ALso went to Voodoo Doughnuts. Seriously the most bizzare doughnut shop I've ever been to, but it was very cool. Bacon Maple Bars do sound nasty, but honestly, they're really good.

Tahani was excited. We totally surprised her with the ticket like an hour before the show. It was amazing. She got really loud and screamy, but she does that.

In general, it was an awesome Satuday in Portland. I love that city.
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[9-21-06 ♥ 8pm]
So...

There's a good chance I could be an exchange student somewhere in the world next year. For ten months.

I'm so beyond excited. I hope like hell it works out. I really really really do.

;ajsf;asldjfioaetghaertadfv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS - GREY'S ANATOMY IN HALF AN HOUR!
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[9-19-06 ♥ 8pm]
By the way...those cute little pirate patches on the things by our usernames...I like them a lot.
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